


Lost in the Memories

by Mercury39



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner RPF, The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Enemies, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Multiple, References to Depression, Timeskip, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22105090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury39/pseuds/Mercury39
Summary: NB: will contain "jumping" backwards into the movies /books. This is based on a newtmas fanfiction of Draronoliver.Thomas, Minho, Gally and Frypan survive The Death Cure. They get to The Safe Haven, where they manage to settle down after all the traumatic things they have experienced. One day, when they are doing what they usually do, a Berg appears with the biggest surprise. Chuck, Alby, Winston, - all those who have died through the books/movies, are there. A WCKD group, who were led by Ava Paige before her death, have collected dead subjects from the groups for testing, and successfully managed to revive everyone. But Thomas can't rest, because someone is missing. This leads Thomas and Minho to WCKD, or more correctly what’s left of WCKD.Love, hate, fear and anger. A boy, heartbroken and traumatized. A girl, desperate for love. The ones who were left behind and constantly worried, wondering why they weren’t enough. A girl fighting with her mind, crazy and longing for something she thinks she never had. And the one fighting between death and life.
Relationships: Gally/Harriet (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 14





	1. A new beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draronoliver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draronoliver/gifts).



_The hardest thing about moving forward is to leave something behind, and usually, that's a part of ourselves._ -unknown

## Present (1 week after WCKD's defeat / Newt's death) Thomas’s POV

Thomas and Minho sat around a campfire along with many other Gladers. All those who hadn't embarked out in The Scorch, and a big bunch of others they barely knew. They wanted to know how the world was on the outside, what had happened? Thomas, who barely was awake, started to breathe heavily. He felt empty, but at the same time trapped. The panic was running around in his body, and he wanted to run away. Minho sent him a sad and understanding look, but Thomas just shrugged.  
-Ohh, be quiet now, slintheads, then we'll tell.  
The voice was sore, but still strong and bursting. The group at the other fires were silent for a moment, and Thomas met Brenda’s eyes for a millisecond. Frypans steady arms led him to a small tent, where they sat down in front of the others. Minho sighed when everyone finally was quiet.  
-Thanks. Well, where should we start?  
Then they started to talk. About Janson. The Scorch, The Flare, and how they escaped when they were going to remove the Swipes. They told about The Right Army. Everything. Thomas, who already knew all of this, zoomed out, and his thoughts went to the only boy he had ever loved.

Thomas envisioned his face, how his head turned slightly to the left when he smiled. How the small freckles under his eyes would dance in the sunlight, and the way his hair never could lay still on his head. He couldn't think of him now. He couldn’t let himself think of him. He didn't exist anymore. All because of him. Newt, who had always been at Thomas's side. Thomas had failed him. He was dead, gone. But, it was for the best, right? Thomas lifted his head and saw Minho, who looked at Gally for support. But Gally was in his own world, the bronze eyes lost and shiny, staring into the fire. Thomas didn't want to see. Didn't want to hear. Wouldn't know about the words he would hear soon. He held his breath, closed his eyes. Then they came.  
-Newt… Newt died some days ago. They had just rescued me, and…  
Minho's voice cracked, and he looked up at the starry sky. Thomas felt the sorrow his best friend carried. He had known Newt three years longer than Thomas, they were two of the first "original" Gladers. Although Minho’s feelings usually were wrapped up in sarcasm, Thomas saw that his best friend were struggling. He felt an urge to reach out to him and give him a hug, to comfort him, but he didn’t. He felt the sudden silence around the fire. It was too quiet. He couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up, empty as a shell. He walked across the yard, away to the meadow, and unpacked the sleeping bag and pillow. A little haze of mint struck him when he laid down on the pillow. A cry of pain went through his heart, the scent reminded him of Him. The grass tickled his arm, and suddenly he tore away a handful of grass. He didn’t know why he suddenly raged at the grass, and he felt stupid. The anger disappeared as fast as it came, and he was empty again. The cold night filled him with grief. And Thomas knew that he wouldn’t be able to smile, ever again.

## The Schorch Trials (4 months before the WCKD defeat / Newt’s death)

The sweat flowed. Down his eyebrow, along the jaw and down on the collar of his t-shirt. He changed his grip on the bag, his shoulders ached. He walked like he was in a trance, the heat made him drowsy, despite being in motion. They had walked all day, and the sun went down soon. It was soon time to camp. He walked in the very back of the group, Minho first, then Frypan, Aris, Newt and Teresa.   
-Minho! Can we stop soon?   
Thomas asked, a bit loud so he would hear it. The whole group in front of him stopped abruptly, and a group exclamation followed. Minho turned around, the sweat glistened.   
-Here?   
The look Minho gave him was judgmental, it was easy to tell that he didn’t want to camp here.   
-Uh, yeah? Or, I mean, of course, hey you, shucking slinthead, knock down your ass here before I do it for you!   
Minho cracked up in a smile, and the others snorted and shook their heads.   
-You still sound really lame when you use the Gladerslang, you know that?   
Thomas barked out laughing.   
-Very clear, actually.   
In his side view he could see Newt staring at him, and he turned around and gave him a wink. Newt looked away, but Thomas could see a shy smile playing on his lips. Minho rolled his eyes and turned toward the others.   
-Alright, then we camp in this ugly mound. The smart guys order, he said, with a nod to Thomas. Thomas rolled with his eyes against Frypan, and Frypan laughed his dark laughter. 

The sun went down, and Thomas, who was still sitting in the sweaty t-shirt, froze. Minho came over to him.   
-You take guard tonight, aight?   
Thomas looked up at Minho.   
-Yes, of course. With whom?   
-Frypan or Newt. We can ask ...   
-Me?   
Frypan was standing behind Minho.   
-I'd rather not, uh, don't feel quite good, he said, and glanced at Newt, who was sitting by the fire, talking to Aris.   
-It'll be Newt then, Minho said, and exchanged a look with Frypan.   
Thomas were confused, what had happened to Fry?   
-Are you alright?   
Frypan exchanged another look with Minho.  
-Uh, headache.  
Minho shrugged and walked off to Teresa, who already slept peacefully with a jacket over her shoulders.   
-If you say so, he said, and patted his friend on the shoulder.

Thomas walked over to Newt and sat down.   
-Hey, Tommy, the velvety voice said.   
-Hey, Newt.   
He pulled his knees close to himself and stared into nothing in front of him. Newt looked up at the starry sky, his legs stretched out completely. It was Newt who first broke the silence.   
-Do you ever think of your former life, Tommy? What you did with your family?   
Thomas hesitated before he answered.   
-Oh, I guess I lived with WKCD, and Teresa.   
Newt flinched by the name.   
-Do you care for her?   
The brown eyes looked uncertain at him. Thomas shivered. When did it get so cold?   
-I think I do. Like, uhm, a friend.   
Newt was obviously not happy with his answer. The blonde boy fiddled with the string on his hoodie. Thomas knew he had to fill in, and make that blonde boy in front of him satisfied.   
-Well, she was nice to have, we could communicate into each other's minds, and it links a band whether you want to or not, but ... his voice died away.   
Thomas shivered again. Newt looked curious at him.   
-Cold?   
His eyes were warm and caring, he was worried.   
-Oh, no.   
Yet another shiver revealed him.   
-Now, look! Here we have mr. Stubborn. Here, Newt said, pulling the hoodie over his head.   
He leaned forward and put the sweater in his lap. When Newt was so close, Thomas could see a small layer of almost invisible freckles beneath the nut-brown eyes. When Thomas didn’t take the sweater on, Newt took it again and pulled it over Thomas' head.   
-Hello? What are you doing?   
Thomas laughed. Part of him wanted Newt to continue.   
-I am, he said, as he pulled one of Thomas’ arms through the sweater, -helping you to prevent getting a cold!   
Although he could not see the blonde boy, he knew he was extremely concentrated, he had extremely poor coordination, the clumsiest Thomas knew. But he was still cute. Oh my God, what did he just think? 

The sweater was finally on. Newt straightened the hood, but let his hand rest on his shoulder. Straight across the collar bone. The touch sent hot shivers through Thomas, and he froze involuntarily.   
-Tommy?   
-Huh?   
-Is there anything?   
-No, uh, what was that supposed to be?   
-No, you ... Newt pulled his hand.   
-Froze.   
-Oh, no, nothing.   
He looked at Newt. Newt's eyes shone with disappointment, or betrayal? His eyebrows were tilted upwards in pain, and he turned away from Thomas. Oh, how much a simple movement could make one want to cry! Thomas had managed to destroy everything. He always had to do! He cursed himself and groaned as he clasped his hands in his own face. He laid down on his back and rubbed his eyes. He breathed a trembling breath.   
-Newt? He said, unsure.   
-Yes, Tommy?   
-I'm afraid. Terrified. He was quiet for a while.   
-We all are, I guess.   
Thomas still had his eyes closed, and he heard movements in the sand next to him. He realized that Newt was laying beside him now.

Thomas sighed.   
-No, I don’t think you understand, I- I can't take more people struggling for me. That people are dying because I'm overbearing and making stupid choices. I, Thomas was shaking uncontrollably, -Chuck. He died for me. He was so young, he ...   
Tears filled up his sight. The pain and memories chased him, everything was just a chaos of thoughts, a storm. Suddenly he felt something against his jaw. A hand. Light as a feather, it stroked back and forth.   
-Shh, Tommy. The storm calmed down.   
\- Don't think like that. We can't do anything about it.   
-But I want to! Frustration filled him, and the storm rebuilt.   
-Have you never thought that if you just left me, or just kill me as well, then you let go of this?   
He felt melancholic. The storm raged inside of him, he barely heard himself talking. The blood rushed in the ears.   
-Think about it, Newt. Think about all those who have died for this. Because of me. That I should be such an idiot and just let them die! I-   
Newt got up in a sitting position and grabbed Thomas by the collar. With unmatched powers, he had pulled Thomas up on two legs at an inhuman speed. Thomas opened his eyes, shocked, and had Newt's face a few inches from his own. The eyes glowed with anger. In any other situation he would be more than happy to have him so close, but now? He was just scared.   
-If you say that once more, Tommy, then I swear to whatever it is up there in the sky of gods and goddesses, that I shall chase you until you realize that you are worth something. For me. For us. We need you. Newt squeezed his shoulders.   
-I need you. I have known that since the first time I saw you. Even when you were the little greenie who didn’t remember his own name. You were the one who broke the rules before you had at all been told that there were rules that could be broken. 

Newts lips slid slightly upwards; he had a shiny layer over his eyes.   
-You sacrificed everything to get Alby and Minho back, even though Minho had already given up. You care about everything and everyone and you aren’t giving up. You are the one I want. My Tommy. Newly breathed out. They stared inside each other's eyes; the silence spoke. The feelings built up in Thomas, but there was no storm this time. His sight became foggy by tears. He threw himself towards Newt and sobbed loudly.   
-It’s okay, Tommy, cry it out. Newt stroke his back, light but firm. Thomas grabbed harder about Newt, wouldn't let go.   
-Thomas.  
Thomas.

## Present (1 week after ND, WCKD's N) Thomas' POV

-Thomas? Thomas wouldn't let go. My Tommy.   
-Thomas!   
-Huh?   
Thomas woke up. He squinted at the sun and looked straight into the Minho’s face. This was a worried Minho.   
-Thomas are you good, bro?   
Only now did he notice that he was holding around himself, almost scratched his backboard. He loosened his grip, embarrassed at himself. He sat up and pulled his legs up.   
-Do you want to ... Talk about it? Minho said hesitantly.   
Thomas sighed.   
-Rather not.   
He got up. He felt like he had to say something, since Minho had actually shown some feelings by asking.   
-I dreamed of ... _Him _. Minho patted Thomas on his shoulder.  
-I know, he said quietly.   
By Minho’s face, it looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he turned around. Over his shoulder, he said:   
-Oh, the food is ready. Come and eat when you feel like it.   
Thomas nodded, but realized that Minho didn't see it.   
-Thanks.   
Minho stopped and turned. Although thanks could mean anything, it seemed that Minho understood exactly what it meant. Thank you for being my friend, a brother. The corner of his mouth pulled slightly up before he continued to walk. He would have gone through fire for that boy, Minho was his best friend. And the only one.__

__They sat in a ring together. Thomas, Minho, Gally, Frypan, Brenda and Jorge. They ate breakfast, but all of them were noticeably happier than last night. Everyone except Thomas. Thomas was as empty as when he fell asleep, at least the little while he slept. He stared blankly into the air while he mechanically led the fork to his mouth. He didn't even know what he was eating. He knew everyone was trying their best to overdo his sadness, but he couldn't stand it. Tomorrow. Then he would be a new person. He had to forget, and put everything behind._ _

## Minho’s POV

__Minho looked at Thomas. He saw how the muscles of the jaw moved, like the old Thomas used to do. Minho knew he was thinking. A lot. It should worry him, but he knew Thomas was too tired to do anything. The friend he had had before was gone. When Newt died, he didn’t just lose one friend, but two. He wanted him back. Minho wanted them both back. The thing was, that it was just possible to get one of them back, and even that was going to be hard. He couldn't bear to see Thomas so crushed and destroyed. He was so fragile. Like a small leaf at autumn. Exposed and vulnerable. This morning, Minho woke him up from a nightmare, he often had them. But there was something special this time. Minho had almost told him he had seen a WCKD guard walking around the edge of the forest, but he didn’t want him to worry about it. The guard had done nothing, in fact, just walked around and observed them. Minho had considered confronting him, but he beat it off. He had told it to Gally and Frypan, and they had changed. Like a switch that had been turned on. Both were suddenly more on, ready to knock down someone. He hadn't seen the fire in their eyes for a while, but it was somewhat calming to see it. Knowing that the world is going on, and that one could choose to follow, or be left behind. But since the guard had disappeared, only the three of them knew it. The less, the better. He didn't need hundreds of nervous boys and girls he barely knew running around, who knows what they would be able to do?  
He got away from the group and went over to one of the cabins, that he shared with Gally and Frypan. Thomas slept there too, but after Newt's death he hadn't slept indoors. He felt locked up, he explained. Just. Trapped. That was how Minho felt. He was trapped in his own body, about to explode. He wanted to scream, howl and beat, but he was too tired. Too tired to at all give and have a response to his best friend's death. Now he had to be strong for both himself and Thomas. He was very unstable, and even though they had been offered help and anything they needed from The Right Army, Thomas had refused. When they had asked him, he had suddenly turned angry, snapped back that they had nothing to do with his thoughts. Minho knew he needed help more than anyone else, but he didn't see it himself. Thomas always had to be like that, don't need anything, don't have to. I'm brave, blah blah. He opened the door to their bathroom and turned on the shower. He stood in front of the running water for a moment, before he stepped inside. He washed of the bad feeling that something would happen soon, something that would change everything._ _   



	2. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old Newt POV from the Death Cure. Minho and Thomas is talking. A lot. Someone comes to the Safe Haven with suspicious intentions, but aren't you supposed to be dead?

_People cry, not because they're weak, but because they have been strong for too long._ -Johnny Depp

## The Scorch Trials (6 months before Newt's death and WCKD's defeat) Newts POV

-No. There must be another way, Thomas insisted.  
They were indoors, Thomas, Gally, Brenda, Jorge and Newt. Right now, they were planning on how to get into the WCKD quarters to save Minho.  
-Like what? Gally responded, a bit irritated. Newt noticed how the bronze eyes were sparking, like fireworks.  
-You saw the building, she's our only way in. Thomas interrupted him.  
-Yeah, but do you really think she'll help us?  
-Well, at least I'm not going to ask for permission ... Gally leaned on the table they were standing around.  
Brenda spoke.  
-Wait. Am I missing something? This is the same girl who betrayed us, right? Same dick?  
-I like her, Gally pointed at Brenda.  
-What exactly is going on? She said, staring at Thomas. It was quiet around the table.  
-Are you afraid your little girlfriend will be hurt?  
Newt was angry. Why didn’t Thomas want to do this? She had betrayed them! Newt looked at Thomas. Disdain filled his face.  
-Hm? Newt continued.  
-This has obviously not just been about saving Minho, has it? Thomas looked at Newt, with a confused face. Newt understood that he had gone too far. But he just had to let it out. What was wrong with him?  
-What do you mean, Newt?  
Thomas took a step back from him. Ouch. That hurt a bit.  
-Teresa. He took a step towards him, shaking slightly.  
-She is the only reason Minho is even missing in the first place, and now we finally have an opportunity to get him back, and what? Now you don't want to, because of her?  
He walked slowly toward Thomas, anger boiled inside of him now.  
-Cause deep down you still have feelings for her, he breathed. They stood inches apart.  
-Just admit it. Thomas' face went from confused to pleading.  
-Newt, I-  
-Don't lie to me! DO NOT LIE TO ME! Newt grabbed his collar and pushed him into the wall. What was he doing? The fucking wound. It hurt.  
-Sorry. He looked down, couldn't make himself to look into his best friends eyes. Bloody fuck. Why wouldn't Thomas just understand why he did this? The real reason behind it. He turned to the others.  
-Sorry.  
He went out the door, with a strong grip around his infected arm. Now he needed time, but he knew it was something he didn't have much of now.

## Present Thomas' POV

Minho came back from his cabin. Or, their cabin. Thomas had a bed there too, but he couldn't sleep indoors anymore. It was like the walls came towards him, as if they would push him into a horrible, distgusting soup of bones and vitals. He shivered at the thought. He was still sitting in the ring where they had eaten breakfast, except that there was no ring anymore. The others had gone to their work, that was their normal routine now. The jobs people had had in The Glade were once again their jobs. Or, at least something similar. Medjacks had become doctors, Builders had been given the responsibility for creating new cabins, as several people arrived at The Safe Haven every day. But Thomas and Minho had been Runners, which meant they had to choose something new. Minho had chosen a job at the Tactics, their task consisted of training people and making plans in case someone attacked them. Not that it was necessary, WCKD had lost. The few who had survived had either surrendered or disappeared without a trace.  
But Thomas, he hadn’t chosen a new job. He couldn't bear. He couldn't do anything. He didn't understand the purpose of doing anything now as He was no longer here. He just wanted to die alone, in peace. But Minho and the others would not give up on him so easily. Minho had rushed to him and said he couldn't lose Thomas, he couldn't let it happen. How could Thomas be so selfish? Minho had known Newt much longer than Thomas, and it was so selfishly done. A few days ago, they were arguing about it. That was the first time ever that Thomas had seen his best friend cry. He wanted to do something to help, but he didn't know what. A simple hug was all he could afford.

His thoughts were interrupted when Minho sat down beside him.  
-Hey, Thomas.  
Thomas looked at Minho. Something was wrong.  
-Minho, Thomas said, trying to smile.  
It didn't quite work out. Minho's face darkened, and he scratched his neck.  
-Hey you, I gotta tell you something.  
Thomas was curious. What would Minho say?  
-Go ahead, he said, a little more monotonous than necessary.  
-Yeah, but don't make me fall asleep with your boring blabbering though, he added to cover the pessimistic little outbreak. Minho pulled a smile and said:  
-I'll go straight to the point. I'm not good at emotions, but I can easily tell that you are sad. And yes, I see why. You lost a very good friend, and I know you had a strong connection. But he's dead Thomas. You can't dwell on the past, you have to move on. It hurts me too, you know. But we have to move on. I want old Thomas back. We want old Thomas back.  
Thomas looked up at Minho again. He knew he was right. He couldn't hold on to it any longer, he had to move on. But it was so difficult! Minho really didn't understand how bad it was. After all, Minho didn't lose the love of his life.  
-I… Thomas was interrupted by a loud noise.  
A well-known noise. It was an airship, on its way towards them. He hadn't seen it since the day Newt died, in the WKCD quarters. And he knew, that with airships, came WCKD.

## Present Unknown’s POV

She looked down at what they called The Safe Haven. They didn’t know anything about the great surprise that awaited them. Or waited for her. Because, she had counted all those who sat inside the airship, ready for their new life. And she was 101% sure everyone was there. They'd got new clothes, and enough food each for a week. Not that they needed supplies, there was enough in The Safe Haven. She looked at the pilot, and gave him some commands. She walked into the airship and informed everyone that they were soon there, and that they soon had to be ready for departure. She read the list for the who knows which time, and closed her eyes for a brief moment. A little dump told her that the airship had just landed. She demanded everyone to sit down, and went back to the front, were the door was.  
-Ready? The other woman in pilot section asked her.  
-As ready as I can be, I guess, she answered and sighed.  
-Just stay behind me, okay?  
She nodded, still with her eyes glued to the surroundings outside. That was the moment she saw him. Their eyes met for a split second, she believed that at least. She wasn’t sure. But what she was sure about was that there were over 100 boys and girls outside the airship, ready to kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like posting another chapter now, hope that's fine :) i feel productive, still haven't finished the fanfic tho x) anyways, enjoy the rest of your day, no matter when you read this<3 this chapters music recommendation is (Meet me on the) Battlefield by Svrcina, a powerful song!  
> Hugs xx  
> Mercury39


	3. he's missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big surprise. Not in a good way.

_Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it._ -Albus Dumbledore, from the Harry Potter franchise

**Present Thomas' POV**

He saw the Berg lowering itself. He froze for a moment, and looked at the huge plane lowering quietly down. Minho had started commanding the Tactics around, ready to fight. But then he saw her. Yes, he was sure it was her. But how? She couldn't ...  
-Minho! Stop! Don't shoot! He ran towards Minho.  
-I saw ... Teresa. Or, I think I saw her. Minho looked weirdly at him.  
-I know you're a little buzzing, but damn, have you gone mad, or what? She's dead, Thomas. He turned around to continue, but Thomas grabbed him by the arm.  
-It was her, I **know**.  
The door to the Berg went up. A thin woman with white clothes walked slowly out in the daylight.  
-Not possible, Frypan breathed, he was besides them now.  
-It's not fucking possible.  
Thomas swallowed. He looked straight into the eyes of the woman he hated the most.  
-No, he whispered.  
-Hello, dear fellows. I, ehh, we have an announcement: Yes, it's me. I am, as you can see, alive. I'm not dead. Before my, err, death, she said, with a look at Thomas, I had a small group of entrusted people around me. I knew I couldn't live forever, and with more potential "enemies" who wanted revenge, I had to have a plan B. This group, whom I like to call Rebuilders, have been given the task of collecting dead objects, to revive them. It is for further research to find a cure. Because it exists. She paused, looked at the people surrounding her.  
-And we have made a big progress. So big, that we intend to hand over all the objects we have revived to you. So now my colleague will help me read the objects for you out loud. Teresa? 

Gally gasped. He was also beside them now.  
-What a bitch. Holy fuck what a big bitch... Teresa was actually standing there. She was alive. The astonishment spread in Thomas. It was quite possible that this was a dream. Quite a big possibility actually. But there she stood, starting from the top of her list.  
-Alby. A dark boy came out of the door in the Berg.  
-What the bloody hell? Minho muttered.  
Alby stood there, quite fresh. Alby's eyes searched through the crowd until it finally found Thomas'. He walked uncertainly towards them, and stopped right in front of them.  
-Hi. Frypan took a step forward, tears in his eyes. He squeezed Alby’s hand, before he pulled him into a hug.  
-Good to see you again, shank.  
-Good to see you too. Gally squeezed his hand too, but didn’t hug him.  
-Hi Greenbean, Alby said, and looked at Thomas.  
-Hey, Alby. They exchanged a weird hug, followed by a low laughter from Minho.  
-You look just as ugly as before, thought WCKD could fix that a little bit, Minho snapped.  
-Oh wow, he is back, Alby laughed. Minho and Alby shook hands, and they turned their attention back to Ava Paige.  
-Ben. Ben came out of the door, just like Alby. He came over to them and some words were exchanged.  
-Chuck. A short, thick boy came out of the door.  
The curls were laying wildly around his head, which wandered back and forth in the search for someone familiar. Teresa bent down to him and whispered something in his ear. Seconds after, he was on his way to them. Thomas' heart made a jump.  
-Chuck! He ran toward the boy and threw himself down on his knees. He was as happy as he could ever be. Chuck was like his little brother. Losing him was one of the hardest things he had done, and finally he was back. He put his arms around the boy and sobbed loudly.  
-Chuckie.  
-Hey, Thomas. The chubby boy acted all grown up, but it didn't take long before he cried, louder than Thomas. Thomas pulled away from the boy and looked into his eyes. Then he remembered something. 

He shot his hand down in the pocket and pulled up a figure. He put it gently in the hand of Chuck and squeezed it.  
-I didn't find them. I'm sorry. Chuck's eyes filled up again, but Thomas was sure there was another reason.  
-It’s okey. Now I have you. I think they died a long time ago.  
Thomas hugged him again before they went over to the others. Several names were read, from all of the groups. After a while, Ava said:  
-And the last one on the list, Winston. Winston came out the door. A thought struck Thomas. If Winston was the last one? But, Newt? No, he had become a crank, they certainly did not revive those with The Flare, or those who were not Immune. But Winston was not immune ...  
-No! Someone is missing! Thomas exchanged a glance with Minho.  
-Someone is missing! He ran towards the Berg, but a guard put the tip of a revolver on his chest. He looked at it for a moment before he waved it away.  
-He is missing! Ava glances at him like he was crazy.  
-No, there are no one left on the list.  
-But there **is** one missing! He grabbed the collar of her blazer and shook her.  
-He is missing! He is missing!  
-Who?! Ava responder, calm, despite being half attacked. Teresa took a step forward, between him and Ava.  
-Newt. He's missing, Ava. She stared into his eyes, which he could only venture forward.  
-Yes, Newt is missing.  
-Well, check the Berg. He is not here. Thomas ran into the Berg, followed by Minho.  
-Newt! NEWT! He screamed as he frantically ran around the in the Berg. Minho grabbed his shoulder.  
-Thomas.  
-Newt! He screamed until he became sore in his throat.  
-Thomas, he's not here.  
His shoulders sank. He sank. He fell down on the floor, hugging his knees. He had been so naive. He had believed Newt was there. Of course he wasn't there. He was dead. But why were all the others there? It was unfair.  
-Thomas, come on. Come with me.  
It was Ava's fault. Thomas was sure. A sudden rage washed over him, and he shot up from the floor.  
-I'll kill you! He roared and ran towards Ava Paige. He threw himself on her and fell upon her.  
-Thomas listen! Teresa shouted, but Thomas didn't want to.  
-Where is he! You've taken him intentionally, haven't you?! Just because I killed you! He slammed his fist against her, fist after fist.  
-Thomas, stop! Minho grabbed his arm and prevented another blow.  
-Stop. Listen to Teresa. Thomas looked up at his old friend. She breathed out a “God save me”, before she started:  
-I counted everyone in the Berg, and I'm sure everyone who were supposed to be there, was on board. This is probably just a misunderstanding. I know as much as you do. Nothing.  
as she talked he slowly stepped away from Ava, filled with anger and hate. 

He walked slowly toward Teresa. He calmly met her eyes.  
–Why should I believe you? Huh? After all you have done, you failed me, time after time.  
-Tom ... Her eyes were red, tears streamed down her face. He didn’t have feelings for her. No more. Never again.  
-No. No "Tom" here. My name is Thomas, just Thomas. There is nothing you can say to me to make me forgive you.  
-Thomas I can help you. Isn’t that true? She looked at Ava. A shadow fell over her face before she put it in business folds.  
-Well, we are very close to finding a cure, but since we have unleashed all the objects we need someone for testing ... And you, you may be what we need Thomas. I know, she said, holding up a hand, I know you hate WKCD, and me, but please put it aside. If we find Newt it has no purpose before we find a cure. I think you know just as much as I do, that he's not immune. It stung his chest. The words shot through his heart, and made it ache. She was right. He hated to admit it, but she was right. He sighed.  
-Thomas, you don't mean ... Minho grabbed him on the shoulder.  
-You can’t. You know there is no cure! You have said it yourself. It's not worth it. Thomas jerked around.  
-So _He’s_ not worth it? What?! Minho! Answer me! Don't you think he's worth it ?!  
-Thomas, you know it's not true! You know I want him back at least as much as you do! You're so selfish! The only thing you care about is your little boyfriend!  
**Your little boyfriend.**  
_Afraid your little girlfriend is going to get hurt?_  
Newt have said that when they were going to save Minho. And now Minho said exactly the same, just that now they had to save Newt..  
-Yes, I care about him. And yes, I'm selfish. But as you can see, there is a reason for that. It's the price you have to pay for loving someone. Sorrow. But I intend to do everything in my power to get him back. You have no idea how much I had done for a minute more with him. He was shaking again, a well known storm was building up inside of him. But there were no one there to calm it down.  
-And you! You have no idea how much I had done to get another minute with him! Minho leaned closer, but Thomas knew he had the upper hand now.  
-Well then we agree, don’t we? Thomas said with a judgmental smile. He turned around and put out his hand.  
-I’m down. Ava took it with her cold, long fingers, and gave him a thin smile.  
-Welcome back, Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry the looong delay, but hey, better late than never? I've been busy, and I have many different ideas for other fanfics, one shots and long stories like this one. Hope this chapter is a good enough excuses for being away for so long :) 
> 
> xxxx  
> Mercury39


	4. Not the very beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all began. But not really the very very beginning.

_It's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body._ -Unknown

The Maze Runner (Thomas' first day) Newts POV

-Hi! Newt! The box is here..  
The box. It was today.  
-I’m coming Alby, just have to fix something. He brought out a piece of cloth and a bottle of liquor, and soaked the cloth in the liquid. Then he put it close to the wrist, and felt how the alchohol cleaned away the bacteria, and kept infections away. Then he threw the cloth away and tore off a new one. Left it in tight folds around the wrist and tied a double knot.  
-NEEWT! Come! The box doesn’t wait… Alby stopped in the doorway. His eyes flickered from Newt, to the cloths, to the wrist.  
-What? Don't tell me…  
-I don't think I have to tell you, Alby. Alby's eyes were filled with tears and frustration.  
-You promised! I thought you were better. Newt sighed. He was tired of talking about it.  
-Yes, I was. But everybody has their ups and downs, I guess.  
-But. You ... My God, are you crazy or something? You could have died.  
-Yeah, it was kind of the purpose, Newt said dry, but regretted right away.  
-Newt, stop saying that! Stop!  
-No, I didn't-  
Alby stormed out of the cabin, and Newt regretted it awfully. Bloody fuck. He had made Alby sad, what was he doing? He had to stop being so negative, even though he had been for several years. There was a hope left. But little did Newt know that it was so close.

The boy who came out of the box was different. He was a fighter. The boy ran across the meadow, and tried to find a way out. He can be a good runner, Newt thought while he was looking at the boy. Splash! The boy stumbled. The boys around him laughed and he couldn't help but laugh with them. Because it was very funny. The boy went back up again, standing in front of Alby.  
-What kind of place is this?  
-This? This Greenbean, is The Glade. This is going to be your home from now on. Astonishment was the only thing Newt could see in his face.  
-From now on? What do you mean? He turned around, amazed and frightened at the same time.  
-Hey Hey! Relax with the questions, we 'll take a walk. The crowd around the boy dissolved, and Alby and the boy started to walk.  
-So here is...  
Newt looked at the boy. So curious. It made him think of when he woke up in The Glade himself, as one of the first ones. Three years had passed since then, three full years. He was fit and long, with dark brown hair, and Newt assumed that this boy was very strong. He didn’t see his face properly, but he knew he would recognize him again when he saw him, because in The Glade everyone knew eachother. 

The Maze Runner (Thomas 'first day) Thomas' POV

There was so much to understand, he had so many questions! Alby, the dark boy who welcomed him, explained calmly about The Glade, without being affected by his curiosity. It was as if he had done it countless times before, as if it were pure routine.  
-So, do you remember anything? Alby said calmly. Then it hit him. No. He didn't remember anything, not even his own name. He felt a storm building up inside of him, my God! How could he not remember his own name? He started breathing faster, heavily, his blood rushing in his ears. Oh my God. Oh my God. How?  
-Hey hey, Greenbean, I see that you're a little worried now, but that's normal. You don't remember your name, right?  
-Ehh, yeah, but how…  
-You learn a lot from staying here as long as me, just relax, it might take a couple of days, but you'll remember it soon. You are one of those who want to remember, aren't you? They had arrived at a type of disk with an improvised oven, and lots of herbs and things hanging around to dry.  
–‘Ey Fry, what's on the menu today?  
-Oh, hey, Alby! Greenie, he said with a nod,  
-Something nice, obviously. Frypan is on fire today! Frypan winked.  
-Yeah, well, we'll have to continue, see ya. Greenbean. Come on. They continued to walk, and were halfway across the meadow, when a blond, tall boy ran towards them. His running was weird, as if he really shouldn't have been running at all. Thomas didn't knew that he'd one day miss the limping boy to the point were he wished he would die. He stopped up in front of them, with a smile that he would remember for the rest of his life. His head tilted a little to the left, and the sun blinded him, which made him squint a bit.  
-Hey, Newt, Alby smiled, and patted his shoulder.  
-Greenbean, this is Newt.  
-Hey, Newt said, with a velvety voice.  
-He’s in charge whenever I’m not around. Newt barked.  
-Good thing you’re always around then, he laughed, winking at Thomas. What was it with these boys and winking?  
-At first I thought you had the chops to be a Runner, Newt said, smiling;  
-But then you face planted. Alby bursted out in laughter, and he couldn’t do anything but laugh, cause it had to look pretty strange.  
-What is a, ehh, Runner? A shadow slid over Newt's face before he explained:  
-Well, they are running around and mapping things. -  
Mapping things? Where? Alby pointed to the walls all around The Glade. He hadn't noticed them before now.  
-The Maze. That's what keeps us trapped here.  
-What do you mean?It has to be a way out, right? Alby and Newt exchanged a look.  
-No. No, we're trapped here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler idk. And YES I know it's not like in the book but idgaf <3  
> Listen to "A drop in the ocean" by Ron Pope, and i will find peace thanku  
> xxx Mercury39


	5. I'm tired of running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is tired.

_Dearest Hephaestion. How recounts of your death, bring tears still to eyes, after these many, many centuries. Do you know how Alexander wept, how Alexander mourned? How Alexander followed you into death?_ -Mara-James Canfield

Present (Thomas' POV)

-Faster. Faster Thomas, it's not good enough! Thomas felt a numbing burning in his thighs, the lungs felt like there were mushed together, constantly stinging. He was in a small hall, on a treadmill. Ava stood beside him and adjusted the devices attached to his body. Minho sat in the background on a chair and groaned. He was clearly annoyed by having to be here, and it didn't help that Teresa sat down beside him and tried to small talk.  
-Thomas, Ava said, and turned off the treadmill, which resulted in him jolting forward by the sudden lack of motion under him.  
-You have to focus! What is this? The samples do not show any results near what you showed before you were inserted into The Maze. What is this? Thomas looked over at Minho, and nodded to himself.  
-I'm tired of running, he whispered.  
-Well, Ava said and shrugged, -that's actually what you have to do right now.  
-No, Thomas said earnest, -I don't mean physical running, I mean to always be on the run. From WKCD, you - everything! I just want Him back. That's the only thing that is important right now. Although there is only a small chance that we will find him. Minho broke in.  
-When, by the way, are you going to do your part of the deal? Huh? Can't say you've worked your ass of to find him. And why the hell have you not been searching where he _died_? Isn't that the most obvious place to look for someone who's supposedly dead, and cannot go anywhere?  
Minho got up from the chair. He just stood there, staring at Thomas. He had to admit that Minho was right. They hadn't worked any further on finding him. Later, Ava always told him when he asked, it was only important that he recovered to the next session. Teresa spoke.  
-Well, he died close to the building, so we would probably have observed him if he still…  
-Shut up! Just shut up! Minho rushed towards Teresa. -I know! I know it's so damn well! Just stop being the little know-it-all you are! He raised his hand, ready to hit her.  
-Minho, no. She's not worth it. Thomas grabbed Minho by his shoulder, he turned away from her.  
-Come with me. He turned around and looked Ava straight into her eyes.  
-We have to recover for the next session. Then he left, Minho hanging on his arm out of the room.

They had just entered their bedroom when Minho said:  
-What the fuck? «We have to recover?» What bullshit is that? Are you on crack or something? Actually, it doesn’t matter,I don't like it, man. Thomas looked at Minho, not taking in anything Minho was saying.  
-I can't handle this anymore. As I said, I'm tired of running. And I want him back. I don't think he is alive, but I want him back. If they can revive all the others, they can revive him. Ava knows something we don’t, they had inserted implants into our brains. And seriously, he said with a sharp look at the door, -do you think Ava Snake Paige didn’t operate trackers into us? Of course she did. We just have to get on good terms with her, so you can get a job with something technical here. Minho seemed to understand.  
-So I can hack the database and find out where Newt is?  
-Exactly. We just have to stay low. Minho smiled at Thomas.  
-Welcome back, Shuckface. Thomas clasped Minho on his shoulder. They worked together, towards the same goal. And the goal was Newt. Find him, dead or alive.

Thomas was sitting in their room, alone. Minho had left to find some food. He tried to write something. The only thing he had left from Newt was a letter, and he wanted to reply to it. He might still be alive. He is alive he is alive he is alive. He started to think of one of the most beautiful memories he had of Newt. Thomas had just packed his bag, ready to leave the others behind to save Minho. He didn't want to bring the others, he had lost enough people, he couldn't risk losing more. Therefore, he was shocked when the light suddenly turned on, and Newt stood in front of him.  
–And where do you think you’re going then? Newt looked at him with judgmental eyes. The eyes he knew so well.  
-No, Newt… He cut him off.  
-Don’t be a twat about it, I’m already in. _We_ , are already in. Thomas lifted a brow.  
-We? He and Newt were the only ones in the room. Then Newt grabbed the front door, and guess who sat there? Frypan.  
-Hey, Thomas. Ready for some Frymagical driving or what?  
-Hey Fry, he said, and was glad there were no others in the car. With Newt and Frypan it could still work. And they were actually his best friends. He might not have managed it without them.  
-Hey! Tommy, we started this together, and then we might as well finish it that way too, okay? I'm not leaving you now. We won’t leave you now. He looked at Newt, who opened the car door for Thomas to get inside.  
-Tommy? Don't stand there and look stupid, get in! He laughed and pulled his arm.  
-There you go, Newt laughed, and with a little effort, he got Thomas into the car. Newt bent over Thomas, he felt the heat of his body. He wondered what Newt would do if he leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. If he ran his hand through the blonde hair, who seemed to be perfect at any given time. He was so close now, that he could feel the smell of the blonde boy, a fresh smell of mint, reassuring and calm. With a click the seat belt were on, and Newt leaned away. This small moment would be in his head forever. Thomas knew that. He knew himself that well, that he knew he wouldn't get alot of sleep the next night. He would be busy thinking of Newt. That boy made him sick to the bone. His laughter rang through his head, and Thomas smiled. A lonely tear ran down his cheek, a tiny tear. A small path of a big road. The path continued down towards the heart. Into the heart. Were the memory would be safe. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel productive, yay :) hope everyone is doing fine, wash your hands and stay healthy<3 the song i will recommend for this chapter is "I don't sleep" by Powfu
> 
> xxx Mercury39

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! this is my second attempt on posting this fucking story, hope it works... i have already posted this chapter, but it says that i'm anonymous for some strange reason. i'm not, and now i'm back and will hopefully keep my promise on posting twice a month or so. hope you enjoy it, and give some feedback! try to listen to "Silhouette" by Aquilo while reading, it puts a good perspective on this franchise:) (in my opinion) also, happy new year! hope everyone will keep their new years resolutions:)  
> lots of love  
> Mercury39


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